“More than two hours of the average office worker’s time is used per day sending e-mails and surfing the Internet.”
- from the green book by elizabeth rogers and thomas m. kostigen

i’m pretty positive i spend more.

i miss being creative. doing art projects. maybe even being bored.

in an interview last week, i was asked what i do in my free time, and i had to really think about it. i think in truth, i sleep or eat. i said something about volunteering which is also true i suppose, but probably not what they were looking for.

anyway, reflecting upon it. i can’t really give an honest answer (besides maybe blogging?) because when they ask things like that, i think that you are actually supposed to have free time.

i’m sitting here waiting for some sort of enlightenment to come to me.

to me these problems are just a bunch of numbers. units. symbols.

brain, tell me how to decipher this. i’m lost. i feel like i’m reliving the horror of all my classes last semester all over again. i don’t understand. and i want to so badly.

this is frustrating.

my current addiction.

picture taken from apple.com

after spending a reasonable amount of my summer earnings on my ipod touch, i was happy that i had waited so long to get a new ipod. (my last ipod was a light pink mini) i had been waiting for my mini to die for a while since my music collection has long outgrown the its 4gb capacity. the release of the touch really caught my eye and although the day my mini dies is still yet to come (i figured i can still use it for gym purposes), i couldn’t resist getting the touch.

when i ordered it, it was actually completely sold out at all the nearby apple stores, and i had to purchase it online instead. i immediately (and still wish) that there was wi-fi everywhere. i love the idea of having complete cities wired with free wi-fi.

apple recently opened up the touch to allow for ical edits/updates on the touch instead of just being a screen to read your ical on the go. i changed everything in my planner to be on ical last night. being addicted to organization, i’m sort of loving the seamless organization of everything. i’m so used to having a paper planner though, so we’ll see how this goes.

anyway, as a side note, i purchased a new domain www.melodylikemusic.com to replace this domain. it’s my attempt to calm my paranoia.

computer-less
as of yesterday afternoon i have been without a computer because i sent out my laptop to be fixed by apple. it didn’t have too bad of problems, more of an annoyance than anything, but i didn’t want it to get any worse.

since i’m on the topic of computers anyway, i’m going to rant about how annoying it is that pc and mac software are so incompatible. especially being an engineer, i find it super annoying that half of the programs i am required to use in class aren’t available in a mac version. part of me wishes i had a sweet macbook pro with an intel chip that would allow me to run windows and mac os in parallel, but i love my computer so much that i don’t really see any other good reason to replace it.

adults
i hate how horrifically fearful adults are.

how fearful they are of saying how they actually feel in fear of getting in trouble later on.

how they make vague statements or generalize important details when questioned.

in this hierarchical business system of life where one person reports to another, everyone is afraid to take the blame… or to step out of the norm and point out changes that should be made.

i can’t help but fear too. fear that i will one day be just as fearful as adults. i fear that i too one day will be afraid to state my opinions or to live up to what i believe.

i’m going to be busy for the rest of my life.
in a desperation to fix my last semester’s feelings of stress and being overwhelmed. i dropped one of my classes that i had registered for spring ’08 before i even started it. i felt so relieved when i dropped it because i had this continual thought in the back of my head all break that this semester was going to be killer.

now, looking at my schedule, i have this huge gap of time that i’m just dying to fill i’m thinking about helping out with research on campus, volunteering, or getting a job. the possibilities are endless.. especially with research. i guess i should just get on it. i don’t really know where to start.

a new start
the spring semester starts tomorrow for usc. i’ll be the first to admit that i’m scared and excited. i know i need to work hard this semester. i’m scared i’m going to try really hard and get nowhere in the end. that’s the worst feeling ever. to try so hard and still get nothing as a result.

anyway. enough of that insecurity. i’m off to get some sleep.

i’m jittery from the cup of coffee i had at dinner hours ago. i guess i’m not so used to intense caffeine intake anymore.

this will be a late night. i can tell already.

i moved back to my apartment in los angeles today. i hate (and am embarrassed by) the fact that i have so much stuff.. clothes.. things that i need in my daily life. i tried so hard to simplify my life after the horror of moving out last semester. easier said than done, i suppose. that’s something to focus on this year. simplifying my life… my needs.

as someone who advocates protecting the environment, it’s pretty embarrassing to say that i use so many things. that reminds me of a documentary /short film i watched online. the story of stuff. take a look. it’s pretty good.

there’s something about raw emotion written and dated that i love so much. whenever i come upon a blog that just spills with emotion, i feel inspired. recently i’ve been feeling really hesitant to blog. it’s this paranoia that someone’s going to hold what i write against me. i hate it. i wonder if a change of web address is in store.

the new year
as with all other millions of people around the world, i always seem to feel a sense of optimism for the arrival a new year. the sense of starting anew, a blank slate perhaps, is a refreshing feeling. despite my oddly cliche feelings of optimism, i still feel the urge to say that i have a good feeling about this year. not to raise my hopes too high or anything, i just like to imagine that each coming year will be the best year of my life up to that point in time. it’s a good thought to have. it keeps me looking forward.

and just to put it down on ink (or the internet), my new year’s resolution is to study more, and procrastinate less.

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I’d want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I’d want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If you were the wood, I’d be the fire.
If you were the love, I’d be the desire.
If you were a castle, I’d be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I’d learn to float.
“all i want is you” by barry louis polisar from the juno soundtrack